Mass Effect: 4: Refuge
by Trist234
Summary: MASS EFFECT 4: Refuge (Direct Continuation)...The last thing he saw was the flames of the fusion coils of the Crucible, releasing a red explosion throughout the galaxy. Saving those who he loved. Saving all of the species that owed nothing, but he has given everything over and over again...but yet, to his friends and allies, and to his Love, Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy, he is gone...
1. Prologue

**MASS EFFECT 4: REFUGE**

**_...The last thing Shepard saw was the flames of the fusion coils of the Crucible, releasing a red explosion throughout the galaxy. Saving those who he loved. Saving all of the species that owed nothing, but yet he has given everything over and over again...but yet, to his friends and allies, and to his Love, Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy...it looks like saving the galaxy a third time costed him too much..._**

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**_•Prologue•_**

Her eyes snapped open with a sharp gasp, hands vigorously clenching the white soft sheets of the bed, well at least she remembered them being soft the last time she actually felt this bed...of HIS bed...it was just another nightmare of hers. But yet, her pain and suffering lived on ever since never seeing any evidence of her human being still alive for...weeks. The nightmares reminded her of the reality her pain ever since that day. She couldnt handle it. She couldnt handle it at ALL. Her eyes began to tear up, but she couldn't reach to remove them with her mask over her face, feeling to weak and too distressed to want to move.

_Keelah...Get up..he's gone...just get up._

As she began to unconfidently get up from the bed, she stood up and took a second to look at HIS cabin...shed locked himself in here ever since seeing the Citadel erupt in red from aboard the Normandy, and there was no COMs, no cheesy one liner, not even a word from the deep yet touching voice she had come to fall in love with. Nothing. And that's when Joker hauled the Normandy as fast as he could away from the red burst emitting from the Citadel, but they lost distance between it and crash-landed on a remote garden planet, but over the course of the past few weeks the whole crew was contributing to repairs..well almost everyone..EDI shut down ever since the crash. She remembered the look on Joker's face, and the pain he felt. But he pulled through it. He wasn't the one who couldnt pull herself together, he wasn't the one who locked herself in HIS cabin and havnt spoken a word to anyone since. But, for now, they seem to have taken refuge on a planet that seemed to not to have ever been colonized at all...it was beautiful...she wished he was there to see it...but the others wanted to go back to Earth...She didn't know why the others were in such a rush to go back...

_WHAT was there? What could possibly be there for them?...For me?_

She thought and grieved; missing the ferm and strong, yet gentle touch of the hands of the man she had fallen in love with, the hands that she had trusted with her life with, the hands that had always guided her when things were rough and the countless times he had saved her. In between thoughts of grievance and suffering, she jumped as the entrance hatch slid apart and revealed her dearly close friend, Garrus; who wore an expression of deep loss and an attempt to disguise that loss. Some of the crew whispered around that Garrus quickly overcame the fact that his best friend was dead. But she knew better. Garrus was a hard man to sway, one who had seen battle and near death countless times...but the man whom he had always survived and fought alongside all those countless times...was dead. Garrus' Turian mandibles retreated in the attempted to form a friendly smile to her, but was weak and shallow. She knew because shed seen it on the faces of the whole crew, it had hit them all as hard. Some more than others..

Garrus sighed in his grating yet calm and assuring voice, and sat down beside her on the bed and sat in silence for a moment. Even with that purple veiled mask over her face, Garrus knew that under it, her expression was much more desperate beyond all of theirs combined "...We all miss him Tali...We all do..."

_ Why am I grieving, crying, and mourning so much? Why have I refused to accept that my only love was gone? Gone. Saving the galaxy without even a goodbye, with all the words we've said to each other being so little, with so little time. I still loved him. I still wanted him. I still NEEDED him... But...why was I just chasing a shadow?..._

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***I DO NOT ATTEMPT ANY TYPE OF FRAUD, COPYWRIGHT INFRINGEMENT, OR CONDONE OWNERSHIP TOWARDS THIS STORY/UNIVERSE.***

**_[Thank you for reading! Sorry for the shortness(only a prologue.) If people want to see more: the more views, comments, approvals I get I will become more and more dedicated to this series!(SHHHHH...yeah I said "series".) ^.^ Haha this took me a lot to think about and yes I'm DIRECTLY continuing the story. But not as you may expect. So bear with me and please please follow up and post your thoughts in your comments. If this gets enough support I'll invest more and more time into this! :) Thanks again. M Suggestions on the storyline, characters, grammar, POV, etc. WILL be addect my writing some way or another, so help me improve it.]_**

**_Once again, please leave your comments, reviews and thoughts!_**


	2. Chapter 1

_"**For the men, women, children; of ALL species , that have given their lives so that we may breathe for another day to give the galaxy a future, a future that we now can use to rebuild and improve what the Reapers took from us. From friends..to allies..to natural born enemies...we all found a brotherhood amongst ourselves, brought together by unevened odds, we have united. But yet let us not forget the price it took...the price that our heroes and legends were willing to pay..."** _

_ -Admiral Hackett; 2191; Speech among the Council a week after Shepard triggers _

_the distruction of the Reapers and is MIA; As well as the Normandy Crew_

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**_~•Chapter 1•~_**

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_He ran and ran, and as did soldiers, friends, and comrades alike. He was out of breath, sweat and perspiration clouded and seeped into his eyes. His legs burned and throbbed as the running never ended. His eyes never closed, never wavered, as he heard the loud and throaty THUMMM that he knew all too well; The Reaper's high tech cannons that shoot red lasers that obliterated all that it touched. He could see Harbinger's ship fire at the crowd among him, all whom took up arms and dashed courageously towards the tractor beam alongside him. They had to get to the Citadel...HAD TO. The world slowed, his movements, his comrades...the world passing by as if in Jello. He suddenly felt the pain..the suffering that he has been brought, yet his muscled legs and calves never swayed or faltered, but he suddenly felt years of loss hit him instantly. He has fought so much... in the back of his mind, he wished that a Reaper beam would take to him and end it. End...everything. He lost so much, his mind numbed by battle and scorched by loss...how much more can he give? How much more can he pay for...This? His eyes darted to the smashed buildings, to the flying debris and shrapnel and the blood...all the blood. From weeks to minutes old... blood...How much had to be given to stop this slaughter? _

_ A quick and loud THUMM brought him back to reality, a red stream gashing into the earth right in front of him, cutting across a MAKO tank on his left side, the percussion sending him through the air and landing on his back. He coughed, blood covering the inside of his visor of his N7 helmet. He ripped it off his helmet and threw it to the side, his eyesight dazed and blurred, but yet he can hear...hear the screams...hear the loud thumps of weapons...all the noise he could hear...but hear could hear the silence too. The silence of the blurred, piled bodies of humans and aliens...the silence...as he regained his footing, he looked around, forcing the bodies and screams out of the back of his mind when he heard a yelp and a scream from the other side of the MAKO. Tali...he dashed as fast as he could, dodging the fire of Reaper Marauders, and firing at husks that were attacking fellow soldiers. As he neared Tali, he saw Garrus knelt beside her, his a hand to his stomach, blood seeping through his Turian armor, which was melted and charred black. He then looked at Tali, his heart stopped... He saw the blood seeping through her armor too, charred as Garrus' was, her left leg damaged and bloodied. But he knew...he knew she couldn't stay here to fight...She looked at him through her violet and bloody visor, and he looked back, then he and Garrus locked eyes...They both nodded. Garrus knew what he meant to be done. He could tell that Garrus knew all along how this might have gone...He pressed his fingers to his COMs, "Joker. Pull in the Normandy for evac. In and out.", he shouted. After a few cruel, silent seconds, the Normandy sped and quickly pulled to a stop, hovering in front of them. Garrus got up and limped to the bay, hand on side side, looking back to see him pulling Tali to her feet, supporting her arm around his neck, Tali hugging to his chest. He then carried her to the lowered bay._

_ He then looked up at Garrus, eyes firm. "Garrus...Take her and go!" Garrus reached and grabbed her hand, but then she turned around to look at him.. He looked back into her visor once again. She feebly spoke, barely heard among the explosions and gunshots ringing around the Normandy; "I want to stay with you...we have to be together." He stepped up to her, gently pressing his forehead against the top of her visor, "Tali...I need you to leave here and live. Go. Go and build you a home on Rannoch..." She sobbed, her unseen tears pouring from her Silver glowing eyes as she spoke almost dreamily, every word, every letter, every feeling put into her words struck him as deeply as anything ever had..."I have a home..."...He almost choked on his words, but he remained there holding her as he never held her before, but he stared into Tali's visor, his green and firm eyes with content and full of his love, and her shining white eyes glowing threw her visor to look into his..."Keelah se' lai"..._

_The next thing he knew, he was watching the bay slowly close, his squadmates...soldiers...comrades...friends...Garru s...Ashley...Liara...James...Joker...EDI...he watched as the Normandy faded away, then quickly snapped to, and made another sprint for the Citadel beam. His body didn't register the pain he should've felt. He pushed himself, angry. Angry at the galaxy. Angry at the Reapers. Only a few soldiers ran alongside him now, every single one of them looking towards him, their leader, as they ran. The galaxy on the line. Men. Women. Children. Their future... 100 yards...he and the remaining soldiers drifted along the debris and obliterated rubble, the bodies of all species hes ever known littering the scarred earthen dirt. He wasn't giving up. Never. Hes gone too far...given too much to let anything get in the way...50 yards...the constant spaz of lasers and thumps of them impacting the ground, the shouts and cries of the small groups of soldiers that they hit...25 yards...he dove out of the way of a Reaper shot, stumbled but regained his footing and kept on. He passed by a Krogan dragging a severely wounded Salarian out of the smoke of a MAKO, feebly shouting at the Salarian soldier that hes too much of a weakling to be able to die on him right now...10 yards...Shepard saw the beam. The white-blue glow of it past the small hills of Reaper and alien bodies, as well as human. He saw how much the galaxy had already payed for freedom from destruction. As he neared the beam, he vowed to never give up on everyone. To never disappoint them in any task. To survive and keep on surviving, to save the galaxy and those in it. He always kept his promises...to not give into pain until he did what he was supposed to...as he neared the beam, he saw the beam of red, bright light trailing towards him, he braced himself, sucking in a deep breath just as the Reaper beam neared hi-..._

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He suddenly and strong outwardly gasped, his chest heaving up and down, his eyes couldn't see anything his vision was clouded, blurry. He kept on breathing heavily, gasping, coughing for air. He looked down, his body covered with debris and rubble. Groaning, as he saw his armor, black and charred that had been infused with skin and bone. He felt it. He felt all of it. His breathing was shaky and fragile. he lifted a hand, to see it bloodied and charred as well. He coughed up grime and blood as he gasped again, looking down at his armor. He saw something...the reason why he did what he did...the reason why he refused to die...His N7 dogtag hung loose around his chest, all but a little grimy, somehow untouched by what he just did...he slowly and weakly reached for the dogtag and grasped it...grasped it and hung onto dear life...wanting to live...

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**[Thanks again for reading! ^.^ Lol I couldn't wait to publish a 2nd chapter(technically,FIRST chapter), but I couldn't leave you people hanging with a teaser hanging over your head...Okay maybe I did just that. Ive written enough to give you more information but not enough to give you where im headed to the story. Id like to hear some comments and reviews if they like the writing style, and if they have any suggestions. Once again, Im sorry if you all found it short, but im still feeling my way through and wanting to hear what ppl think. I hope you enjoyed and ill have chapter 2-3 by next week :) but if you wish to up the chapter updates, then pleases, submit reviews and faves!]**


	3. Chapter 2

_**"Tali..Do you remember what I said to you?...What I said before we took out **_

_**the Reaper on Rannoch?...I meant it Tali...**_

_**No matter what happens..."**_

_-Cmdr. John Shepard, Earth; To Tali' Zorah,_

_Before the assault on the Citadel Beam_

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**_~•Chapter 2•~_**

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Tali awoke with a sharp gasp, her hands cluthing for dear life onto the blankets, heart racing at a thousand miles per hour...

_Another nightmare..._

She took slow and steady breaths until she calmed herself. These nightmares seemed to be getting worse and worse. Did they mean something? _No..how could they? Im a Quarian engineer..not a fortuneteller. _They only reminded her of the pain...as did the expressions of the crew members and friends of Shepard. They all wore the same, disheartened expression. One small perk Tali' had over them was her purple hued visor, which had veiled her feelings from them. She didn't want anyone to here her, to see the constant but random tears that poured from her luminescent eyes. She saw her expression though...every morning she has used a sterilized and bacterial-filtering shower room that Shepard had given to Tali as a gift, but had said it was his and that it was needed because he jokingly confessed to the crew about being a "neat-freak", and it was added to his cabin. The walls of the shower room were mirrored, and she had always seen the sad stricken face of hers, and the small scars on her body that she had attributed to being standard when you decided to be recruited as part of "The Great Commander Shepard's" crew. She had lived with her depressed self, confined in the same exact room that held the memories that she had first had with Shepard, torturing herself with the irony... She had decided that she was going to try to perk herself up. Days before, Garrus had braved into Shepard's cabin and sat down and had talked with Tali for hours, days at a time, working and working at her to try to return her to her normal self. He explained that It had been about time to just try to push her away from the past, however not-too-long-ago it was. He explained that it wasn't her, staying for days in a cabin and shutting herself out, and that they were all grieving but it HAD to get better than that. She enjoyed the talks because the only communication with anyone on the ship, hell, the whole PLANET, had been with Garrus when she was helping with the ships repairs. She had understood what he meant, and she had decided to act on it. She was going to attempt to conceal her pain so that she could be with friends again. After a quick hot sterilized water shower, a gift that Shepard had given her for her birthday and installed it in his cabin and had told the crew that he got it cause he preferred "extremely clean showers", in which she absolutely adored the feeling of the soft pelts of the water on her skin, and the sensation it gave her when it warmed her pores, she quickly put on her suit, and walked out of the shower room and cabin, and headed to the Observation Deck. Its the one place where the crew decided to commute to after the few daily routines that they had, considering they weren't at fighting or going anywhere at the moment.

She stopped at the hatch, took a deep breath, and stepped inside. All the heads in the room turned towards Tali, expressions all with a hint of the suffering that she felt, but some showing it more than others. She looked around seeing her friends faces, and wondered where to sit...she stood there, and grabbed her arm looking down nervously. She saw a pair of boots on the floor in front of her, and looked up to see the tall Garrus Vakarian looking down at her, smiling. He gently put his hand on her back and steered her to the sofa with two empty spaces, and sat down and gestured to the middle spot, between him and Aria, who gave Tali one of her small but friendly smiles. As she sat down, she heard Garrus joke in a mumbled tone "Youd think that wed have to have something shooting at us to get u up and at it, wouldn't you?". Small quiet laughs echoed in the room and several of the crew smiled. They seemed happy to see Tali up. She relaxed and loosened her posture on the couch. There were a few, awkward seconds where nobody spoke, but then Tali looked around and almost quietly asked "So hows everyone been?" This brought another round of small smiles. "Well, despite being trapped on a planet with no people whatsoever, with a ship that took a crap on us, and Garrus running out of ammo he uses to shoot at the innocent trees outside, were going good." Said Joker who was sitting at the bar, having a drink, smirking through his glass as he drank. Tali gave a small chuckle, which joined with the laughs of everyone else in the cabin. She saw what Garrus meant, everyone wasn't even trying to act normal. They just enjoyed the spur of the moment. Everyone was surprisingly nice to her, and she was happy to see that everyone was getting along with her. Well almost everyone. One person who didn't look happy to see her up and moving was Ashley..She just had this look on her face like she wasn't glad Tali got out of her stoop. It was anger or hate it was just...Tali didn't know, but she didn't linger on it. Music was playing, chatter was going on, and Tali realized what she was missing out on. But in the very back of her mind, she knew that it was only temporarily replacing the happiness she knew with Shepard. But she didn't stop to think about it. Before she knew it, she was sitting at the bar sitting between Joker and Garrus.

"Didn't you learn your lesson about drinking at the Citadel when Shep had that party? Or was it Shepard that learned the lesson not to let you drink any? And also, do you need to use the "induction port" still?" were words from Garrus. Tali gave him a sideways glance and shook her head, wishing she DIDNT remember it. "He told you about that?! Im not drinking at all ever again since that day, so don't judge me about that it was my first time!" she said. She looked at her glass of water, shaking it around idly. She turned towards Garrus again after hearing a amused grunt from him. He looked at her, put his hands together and rested his chin on them, giving her one of his mischievous grins. He said quietly "You seemed to have a lot of 'first times' with Shepard, havnt you?". Tali was frozen, if he saw her expression, she swore she would die right there from embarrassment right then and there. She snapped out of it and winded up her arm and gave him a surprisingly forceful punch to the shoulder. "Ow!" He rubbed his shoulder and laughed at the same time, and Joker on the other side of her turned towards Garrus and her, laughing as loudly as can be. "HAHA! Weee all heard about th.. ..uhh..." Joker seemed to have lost his train of thought, looked down at his glass to find it empty and looked genuinely sad about it. Tali smiled, Joker being Joker, he had drunk himself to the bottom of a bottle of alcohol all by himself. Joker set his glass down and looked at Tali. "Dude...Tali someone..someone put lightbulbs where your eyes are supposed to be under that..that weird hat you wear...one that covers your face..Hats don't do that..." he pointed at her visor, and laughed dumbly. He hiccupped and and slipped off his chair, got up and went and laid down on the poker table and crawled into a ball and fell asleep, right in the middle of a game that James, Ashley, and Aria had been playing, who threw their cards up in protest. Garrus shook his head, sighing and then gave Tali a look, one that she had never seen him use on her like that. She sat there uncomfortably, wondering if something was wrong or if she just looked funny. She got up the nerve and looked at him and asked "Why are you staring at me like that?..." Garrus continued to look at her, then finally stopped, and chuckled, and looked at the wall across from the bar. "Just wondering...wondering what your face looks like. And what your expression looks like when you are actually happy." He gave her a quick Vakarian-like smile, and got up from the chair and looked out the glass walled portion of the deck, thinking by the looks of it, but Tali had seen THAT look on his face before. It was that 1000 yard stare that only a battle hardened soldier would have...

"Has anyone come across anything out of the ordinary on the scout missions Garrus?" Aria asked, standing up to look at Garrus over Joker's body. Garrus seemed to stare out the window, thinking over something, arms folded and muscled insanely tense, he seemed to have snapped to and started shaking his head. "I...Im...No im afraid not..but i don't know... I have this feeling whenever im out in the forests...but Its nothing..I just cant wait until we get off this planet. " Tail thought that that was..odd. Nothing ever spooked or gave Garrus the feeling of being un-atease with himself... "Speaking of which," said Aria "We really only need one part. A power conduit for the ships core, case we overheat ours while Joker was pushing The Normandy to the limit as he piloted her from the red Citadel blast. Doesn't have to be new or perfect, but just enough so we wont blow up when we decide to leave. The bad part of this is, it will take some time just to make a new one...But once we do, we can leave and go home." Tali looked around as the room went comepletely silent...Everyone in the room mulled her words over, taking in the fact they were so close, yet so far from leaving this planet and that they might actually not have to die on an unknown planet in the middle of nowhere.

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They were going home...soon.

_Where was HER home?..._

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**[{THANK YOU AGAIN FOR READING THIS 2nd OFFICIAL CHAPTER. IM SO SORRY ABOUT ME NOT BEING HERE THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS/WEEKS AND SORRY I BROKE MY PROMISE ABOUT THE CHAPTER A WEEK DEAL. BUT IM DEALING WITH A BUSY AF SUMMER LOL. BUT ANYWAYS SO STAY TUNED, THANKS AGAIN. YOU CAN OBVIOUSLY START TO SEE THAT THE STORY'S STARTING TO SPEED UP. SORRY BUT I FELT LIKE I NEED TO APPEAL TO YOU AND IVE GOTTEN GOOD REVIEWS AND COMMENTS. THANK YOU! :) })**

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